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How to spam twitter timeline, effectively…

Disclaimer:

  • If you are a celebrity, no tweet is Spam. Anything you tweet is a headline story. So close this page.
  • Spam bots, auto tweeting bots are not considered as a valid subject for this post.
  • The tweets featured here are actually great tweeps to follow. But sometime they can get insane beyond comprehension and that’s the fun in following them.
  • Nothing personal :) have fun

Twitter has taken over the social networking lives of many of us. People who use twitter are termed as Tweeple. But what do we call people who spam the twitter time-line? Twitter Zombies? This is a guide on how to be an effective twitter zombie, or shall we say: twombie?

1. Use Twitter as a chat program

Get all your close friends to sign up in twitter and follow them. You may also want to create a twitter list of all your close friends. Then start chatting with then as you would in a chat program like Google talk or yahoo messenger. Only that the entire world now has access to your conversation, which must have ideally taken place in a chat room. Added advantage is that you get to show-off that you are a good twitter conversationalist. The twitter grader, klout and other rating programs would give you more points.

Google talk is a better chat program

2. Make Twitter as your to-do list

Tell the world that you are a busy person. Tweet about everything your want to do, right from grocery shopping list to slap-a-stranger-a-day. Though there are many simple programs, web applications, mobile applications that help you organize and plan your to-do list, just tweet it so the time-line is kept hot.

celebrity show-off

3. Tell them you are busy at least 3 times a day

This is my favorite. I am really amazed when people are busy and have a tight schedule and yet find time to log in twitter or open any twitter client and type in the words ‘I am busy’. Continue amazing me.

4. Tweet your breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner menu.

If a friend has given you a candy, tweet it. If you had masala dosa with coconut chutney, tweet it. If you are having your lunch, tweet about it using your left hand. Tweet your evening snacks. Tweet that you are going for a tea break. Tweet even if a fly has entered your mouth. Oh yes, don’t forget to tweet it when you are hungry, but don’t expect the tweeple to tweet you food via the time-line.

Why not just call/IM and check? uff

what an important news?

thanks for being my time checker

5. Tweet even if you fart

All natural occurrences must be tweeted without fail. Farts, sneezes, cough, sleep, yawn, etc must be tweeted before, after and during the event occurrences.

Yes! bless her

6. Tweet you opinion on everything

Form an opinion of everything. No matter how silly you sound, just tweet that opinion. Criticize and review everything that moves and doesn’t move around you. With 140 character limit, you sure can take down anything that you don’t like.

7. Tweet the 3C’s: Crib, cry and complain

If you don’t like your work, tweet. If you don’t accept the fact that you are a looser, tweet. If you don’t have the guts to complain in real world, tweet. If you are depressed, tweet. Tweet, even if you want to fake your mood.

8. Coin new words and terms

No matter how stupid it may sound, start coining new words and explain them to your tweeple. Just like the way I coined the word ‘Twobie’ above. Show them that you are a super creative human. Brim with proudness if some dumb tweeple out there RTs it and says ‘cool’. It might soon be a part of the urban dictionary, but you may not get any credit for it.

9. Joke and quote

Oh, you liked that joke you just read in an email forward? why not tweet it? Its ensured that it will attract a minimum count of 10 RTs with ‘haha’ or ‘LOL’ prepended to it. And you have discovered an already popular quote site? just start tweeting the quotes one by one. If you are very ‘busy’, you the tweet scheduler which is now a part of many twitter clients out there.

10. Tweetfeed the time-line

Get the RSS link of major gadget sites, blogs and forums. sign-up at tweetfeed and set it to tweet the RSS feed to your time-line automatically. This gives an impression that you are a gadget freak. Gadget freaks are the most sought after and ‘cool nerds’ out there. So you must also be one. Don’t worry if that blog or site is the most visited site already. Don’t worry if your tweeple would have already read it. Just tweet it as if you have discovered the news and breaking it in the social time-line for the first time.

that's how i do it

11. Plagiarise the timeline

Sign-up for two or three twitter accounts other that your primary account. Follow a different set of people in each of the accounts. Copy their tweets and post it in your time-line. Don’t bother to RT or via it. Nobody is going to find out anyway.

12. Stumble, Friendfeed, and delicious are your alies

sign-up for sites like stumble, friend-feed and delicious. Connect these sites in such a way that your stumble likes, diggs and delicious bookmarks are fed to the friend-feed and ultimately posted in your time-line. Show-off to the world that you are addicted to the web and you visit hundred of site every hour.

13. Tweet your statistics

If you are 99 tweets old, just add another tweet and shout that its your 100th tweet. Someone out there will definitely congratulate you. Keep track of your followers / following count and tweet every-time it crosses a century. Just keep track of your statistics, and tweet every-time you cross a milestone. Isn’t that a great achievement to be shouted at your top of tVoice?

the tendulkar of twitter

15. Hello world!

No matter what timezone you live in, just tweet good morning, good afternoon, good day, good night, nice weekend, etc… just like you would wish any real person. This is the best and the most irrelevant spam tweet out there.


16. Irrelevant is no more relevant

Everything that flashes in your mind qualifies for a tweet. Just tweet it no matter, how random it may sound. You may be the only person in the world who can comprehend the meaning for that tweet, but just tweet it. Someone would definitely reply you asking for an explanation and your reply to that would add to the spam-line.

was that a self note?

17. Tag everyone out there

Just reply to anyone and everyone. Hit the reply button at random people and make a single tweet to say hello to many from a single tweet. You can also spice it up with a hash-tag, to make it sound more gangy.

thanks moms

hi hi hi

And as I was writing this blog, someone tweeted this video. How relevant can that be for this post?

and this

With twitter and its 140 character, I am sure there a million ways to spam. If you find more of such tweets, just share the fun and spread the knowledge.

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