I was watching Skyfall, the Bond movie of 2012, in a theater with friends. This is not about the movie but its about the conversation between a family, sitting just behind me and trying in all possible ways to spoil the movie watching experience of everyone around. Normally I am not a fan of fake English accent speakers and this family was one gang of it. In the opening scene when Bond was shot, the mother let out a shriek “Ooo shit”. That’s when they got my attention. Then the kid asked, “what happened?”. The mom went on to explain, “The police aunty shot the police uncle”. Mr Bond, you are officially old. Its your 50th film and people must actually be calling you Granpa. Instead be happy that you are “Police Uncle”. The fun didn’t end there. The mother and another lady near her went on explaining every single scene and dialogue to the kid, in the kid’s own understandable terms. And then there was general loud comments, shrieks, laughters, which was quite annoying to me. Here comes the interesting part. When Mr Bond got intimate with his girl in the shower, there was an eerie uncomfortable silence. Then on the gang was relatively quiet. Mr. Bond you have silenced yet another gang.
This kind of public behavior irritates me, but then its public. Everyone is different and I have to live with it. If I can’t, then I must arrange for a private screening which I can’t afford yet. So in the end, its all fun. See you next year Uncle Bond.
- If you are a celebrity, no tweet is Spam. Anything you tweet is a headline story. So close this page.
- Spam bots, auto tweeting bots are not considered as a valid subject for this post.
- The tweets featured here are actually great tweeps to follow. But sometime they can get insane beyond comprehension and that’s the fun in following them.
- Nothing personal :) have fun
Twitter has taken over the social networking lives of many of us. People who use twitter are termed as Tweeple. But what do we call people who spam the twitter time-line? Twitter Zombies? This is a guide on how to be an effective twitter zombie, or shall we say: twombie?
1. Use Twitter as a chat program
Get all your close friends to sign up in twitter and follow them. You may also want to create a twitter list of all your close friends. Then start chatting with then as you would in a chat program like Google talk or yahoo messenger. Only that the entire world now has access to your conversation, which must have ideally taken place in a chat room. Added advantage is that you get to show-off that you are a good twitter conversationalist. The twitter grader, klout and other rating programs would give you more points.
2. Make Twitter as your to-do list
Tell the world that you are a busy person. Tweet about everything your want to do, right from grocery shopping list to slap-a-stranger-a-day. Though there are many simple programs, web applications, mobile applications that help you organize and plan your to-do list, just tweet it so the time-line is kept hot.
3. Tell them you are busy at least 3 times a day
This is my favorite. I am really amazed when people are busy and have a tight schedule and yet find time to log in twitter or open any twitter client and type in the words ‘I am busy’. Continue amazing me.
4. Tweet your breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner menu.
If a friend has given you a candy, tweet it. If you had masala dosa with coconut chutney, tweet it. If you are having your lunch, tweet about it using your left hand. Tweet your evening snacks. Tweet that you are going for a tea break. Tweet even if a fly has entered your mouth. Oh yes, don’t forget to tweet it when you are hungry, but don’t expect the tweeple to tweet you food via the time-line.
5. Tweet even if you fart
All natural occurrences must be tweeted without fail. Farts, sneezes, cough, sleep, yawn, etc must be tweeted before, after and during the event occurrences.
6. Tweet you opinion on everything
Form an opinion of everything. No matter how silly you sound, just tweet that opinion. Criticize and review everything that moves and doesn’t move around you. With 140 character limit, you sure can take down anything that you don’t like.
7. Tweet the 3C’s: Crib, cry and complain
If you don’t like your work, tweet. If you don’t accept the fact that you are a looser, tweet. If you don’t have the guts to complain in real world, tweet. If you are depressed, tweet. Tweet, even if you want to fake your mood.
8. Coin new words and terms
No matter how stupid it may sound, start coining new words and explain them to your tweeple. Just like the way I coined the word ‘Twobie’ above. Show them that you are a super creative human. Brim with proudness if some dumb tweeple out there RTs it and says ‘cool’. It might soon be a part of the urban dictionary, but you may not get any credit for it.
9. Joke and quote
Oh, you liked that joke you just read in an email forward? why not tweet it? Its ensured that it will attract a minimum count of 10 RTs with ‘haha’ or ‘LOL’ prepended to it. And you have discovered an already popular quote site? just start tweeting the quotes one by one. If you are very ‘busy’, you the tweet scheduler which is now a part of many twitter clients out there.
10. Tweetfeed the time-line
Get the RSS link of major gadget sites, blogs and forums. sign-up at tweetfeed and set it to tweet the RSS feed to your time-line automatically. This gives an impression that you are a gadget freak. Gadget freaks are the most sought after and ‘cool nerds’ out there. So you must also be one. Don’t worry if that blog or site is the most visited site already. Don’t worry if your tweeple would have already read it. Just tweet it as if you have discovered the news and breaking it in the social time-line for the first time.
11. Plagiarise the timeline
Sign-up for two or three twitter accounts other that your primary account. Follow a different set of people in each of the accounts. Copy their tweets and post it in your time-line. Don’t bother to RT or via it. Nobody is going to find out anyway.
12. Stumble, Friendfeed, and delicious are your alies
sign-up for sites like stumble, friend-feed and delicious. Connect these sites in such a way that your stumble likes, diggs and delicious bookmarks are fed to the friend-feed and ultimately posted in your time-line. Show-off to the world that you are addicted to the web and you visit hundred of site every hour.
13. Tweet your statistics
If you are 99 tweets old, just add another tweet and shout that its your 100th tweet. Someone out there will definitely congratulate you. Keep track of your followers / following count and tweet every-time it crosses a century. Just keep track of your statistics, and tweet every-time you cross a milestone. Isn’t that a great achievement to be shouted at your top of tVoice?
15. Hello world!
No matter what timezone you live in, just tweet good morning, good afternoon, good day, good night, nice weekend, etc… just like you would wish any real person. This is the best and the most irrelevant spam tweet out there.
16. Irrelevant is no more relevant
Everything that flashes in your mind qualifies for a tweet. Just tweet it no matter, how random it may sound. You may be the only person in the world who can comprehend the meaning for that tweet, but just tweet it. Someone would definitely reply you asking for an explanation and your reply to that would add to the spam-line.
17. Tag everyone out there
Just reply to anyone and everyone. Hit the reply button at random people and make a single tweet to say hello to many from a single tweet. You can also spice it up with a hash-tag, to make it sound more gangy.
And as I was writing this blog, someone tweeted this video. How relevant can that be for this post?
With twitter and its 140 character, I am sure there a million ways to spam. If you find more of such tweets, just share the fun and spread the knowledge.
The social networking world around me had been on pause for the past 2 weeks or so. Work and work related travel had me occupied 24/7. There was no blog posts and very little tweets and occasional facebook pokes and posts. My google reader aggregator has more than 2000+ unread items. Life without these activities seems to be a bit off-track for me. I wouldn’t call it an addiction, but its more of a disruption in the daily routine. So what has kept me busy?
Officially I am working on a mobile application development and that had my 50% of my life-clock reserved. The remaining 50% was occupied by the so-called corporate process flow, approvals, mails, scheduled meetings, un-scheduled meetups, negotiations, and what not. It makes me sick and tired to follow procedures and follow-up process for something which must have been automated. Feels like inventing and re-inventing the wheel, everytime when I start my car. Then there was some corporate travel, for which I had to follow-up approvals, mails and collect documents, etc… I wish the world was a single country. That would save nearly 25% of my total lifetime which was spent on collecting documents for visa, passport, tickets, immigration, transit, security checks, body scan and so on.
Enough of cribbing, now let me move on to the good part. My best friend Rohit, gave birth to a bundle of joy. Its a boy baby! and they have named him Yohan. We are so happy for him and I went to visit Yohan in the hospital. He is cuteness redefined. Wishing the new born a life time supply of good health, prosperity and boundless happiness. Then at Singapore transit lounge, I caught up with my school friend Chella Mohan. Thanks to Facebook, we caught up with each other and planned the meet. I was eager to meet her 3 yr old bunny. But Chella didn’t bring her along, fearing that she would spend most of the time trying to catchup with the super active and mischievous bunny at the busy airport. We had a nice chat, but short of time and I almost missed my flight. I was back in Manila for a workshop. I met my colleagues and friends in Manila and spent some wonderful, short yet quality moments with them. Professionally, the workshop was quite useful.
So now its all ticked off my to-do list. Here I am, sitting peacefully in the corner of my desk and recollecting the moments to fill up this blog post and catching up with twitter time-line and the unread items in Google reader.
In India, Cricket is not just a sport, it’s a religion. So here is a hypothetical idea for an iPad application. The idea is totally imaginative. No part of it has been conceptualized or visualized. This is a gaming application for all age group and its targeted to increase the indoor vegitativeness of youngsters and to increase the laziness of office goers and software engineers on bench.
The application is designed for iPad mainly because of iPad’s size advantage. Now apart from the software, you need two accessories. Lets call them iSleeve and iSphere. iSleeve is a transparent protection cover for iPad and its fitted with pressure sensors which are docked to iPad. iSphere is nothing but a ball with proximity sensors. But its connected to iPad wirelessly via Bluetooth.
The basic system of the game is to throw the iSphere towards the person(iBatsman) holding the iPad covered with iSleeve and the iBatsman hits the iSphere as far as he can. The pressure sensors along with the proximity sensors in iSphere help iPad to calculate the speed and distance the iSphere was hit. The actual application now calculates the score based on these values. It also senses if the ball was caught or it missed the iPad and hit the iStumps (optional accessory) to judge the wicket.
This can be a crazy stupid idea. But its a true fact that it dawned when I was sleeping one night after reading about the launch of iPad and watching the keynote presentations. Hearts crossed, I swear…